Yesterday, Sadie put on my sandals, my sunglasses, and my bracelet. She came into the kitchen where I was and said, "Look at me! Me just like Mommy!" She also says things like, "Me like Daddy. Me go to work, too."
"Me busy like Mommy. Me sing like Mommy." It suddenly hit me (like a ton of bricks to the chest) that she really does want to be just like me. I happened to think of something Dr.Phil said (surprise, surprise): "The absolutely most important role model that a child will ever have is that child's same-sex parent." Well, that's ME. For both of them. What an awesome and unbelieveable responsibility that is. Am I up for the challenge? Do I dare risk messing up their little lives because I can be such a selfish moron? Honestly, when I think back on some of the awful and stupid and flat-out wrong things that I have done, I can't help but think that I just don't deserve to be someone's role model - especially not when the "someones" involved are as precious and wonderful as my children. I'm not proud of a great deal of my past... there are things that I'd never want them to know about me. And I wonder if it's better to tell them those things eventually and hope they'll learn from my mistakes, or to just try to lead by a good example NOW. I have to really get to work on being a better person, because they are already always watching. I pray that God will help me not to be the person that I once was, but to be the person that they deserve to have as their mommy. Geez. I'm making myself cry here. Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just hormonal?
