Sunday, November 28, 2010

Glad You're Here

After Jedidiah's first doctor appointment (just 2 days after checking out from the hospital) we went to Beth's house because I missed the girls so much (and Jesse didn't want to leave me home alone while he finished working). When we came into view of the house, I spotted Josie, all bundled up in her coat and hat, waiting on us outside in the cold. It was so sweet of her to brave the cold... just because she couldn't wait to see her baby brother! Sadie and Adelaide, not quite as brave, ran out when they found out we'd pulled in. Not quite as committed as Josie!

Heard after bringing him home, from both Josie and Sadie: "Can I hold him now? Now? How bout now? NOW? It's my turn! Is he EVER going to be done eating!?" And from Adelaide: "I want to hold he! That my baby brudder." And my all time favorite, whispered in secret to her baby brother as she stared at him while I held him on the couch at Grandma Beth's house, two days after we got out of the hospital: "I glad you here." The sweetest thing I think I've ever heard.

Sadie was a very big helper during and right after my hospital stay. Josie was too, but Sadie seemed to take the biggest sister lead in stride, holding the baby, getting drinks for me, helping Grandma with chores, taking care of Adelaide, etc, etc. I am so blessed to have 3 little mommies who want to take care of "their baby!"

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Jedidiah's Birth Story

Last week, I thought I had it all together! I had 14 days left until we were having the baby. I had help to come over and help clean the house (Dawn from D6 and her three daughters did a lot of the stuff that I couldn’t!), I had my to-do list whittled down, and I had started packing. I was prepared! Well, this week I started feeling somewhat icky. I can’t really explain why… I just felt bad. But that’s par for the course, right? Can’t sleep, can’t bend over, can’t feel my hands, feet swollen, etc. etc.

Tuesday we finished the REST of my to-do list. I marked off “clean oven” and felt like I had accomplished something! Jesse steamed the carpets in the hallway, the baby’s room, and the schoolroom. I even made a last minute trip to the grocery store (even though I didn’t know THEN that it was last minute). Wednesday morning my mom came over to watch the girls so Jesse and I could go to my last doctor appointment/ultrasound to schedule my c-section. I was fully planning to schedule for the following Monday (the 22nd) instead of what we had talked about earlier (the 29th) because I didn’t want to suddenly go into labor and get Dr. Joe Schmoe instead of MY wonderful doctor that I felt completely comfortable with. I was really feeling iffy – like the baby was dropping more and more every time I took a step, and like there was no way I’d make it two more weeks until the 29th. Then, Jesse ended up having to go downtown for work and he couldn’t come with me so I ended up at the doctor’s by myself. No big deal, especially since he’d called and said, “I trust your judgment… schedule it for whenever you want and I’ll support you.” Nice! I even stopped by Lowe’s first to get a lightbulb for Josie’s school desk lamp and some Barkeeper’s Friend to clean my kitchen sink with, and I talked to 5 or 6 people who I used to work with. So, I wasn’t panicked at all when I got to the doctor’s office. That is, until I went into the little ultrasound room. Everything looked okay to me… but she sent me back to the waiting room… then called me BACK to the ultrasound room again. Then sent me back to the waiting room… then called me BACK to the ultrasound room AGAIN. At this point, I began to freak out thinking something had to be wrong with the baby. I texted Jesse – I THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG THEY CALLED ME BACK TO THE ULTRASOUND ROOM THREE DIFFERENT TIMES I AM ABOUT TO FREAK OUT – he replied – BEEN KICKING? WHAT THE HECK IS GUERRIERI SAYING? – I said – WAITING FOR HIM RIGHT NOW HASN’T BEEN IN YET – he said – I’M SURE HE’S FINE RELAX. KEEP ME POSTED. – and it was at this point that Dr. Guerrieri came into the exam room and appeared to be all business, which I’ve never seen before! He’s always giving me a hug, calling me the world’s most perfect woman, stuff like that. So the all business thing freaked me out even more. He said, “Here’s the deal. I don’t know if your body is leaking amniotic fluid or if your placenta has stopped producing it, but you do not have enough. You should have quite a bit at this point in the pregnancy and you have hardly any. So I think we should do this sooner rather than later.” I said, “I was planning on scheduling today anyway. I was thinking Monday. Would Monday work?” and he said, “I was thinking today or tomorrow.” Yikes. That threw me for a loop. I asked what he thought… should I do it today or tomorrow, and he said if I could get everything together, like babysitters etc., that he thought I should do it TODAY if at all possible. So I said okay, I will work something out, and he rushed out to call the hospital and set me up right then. Jesse, who had called me right before that (tired of waiting for me to text him) was already on the phone, so I filled him in. I felt a little sick at that moment… I mean, I went in thinking I had 5 more days to mentally prepare myself and get everything ready at home and set up for the girls’ babysitting and stuff, and suddenly I’ve been told it’s going to happen TODAY. He came back in and told me to be at the hospital at 3:30, my surgery was scheduled for 5:00pm. Then he assured me that it would definitely be him doing the surgery and not someone else… “You’re stuck with me, “ he said. Then I went to the car, got in, and began to have pretty much what I would call a full-blown anxiety attack.

I called my mom at home, but Jesse had gotten to her first…she already knew what was happening. So then I called Angela, who miraculously answered the phone because she was on a field trip. That made me feel better. Then I called Daddy, Amanda, Melissa, and Julie from my Bible Study Group. Everyone tried to reassure me, but I was still trying hard not to cry! I needed to hold it together so Sadie and Josie and Adelaide wouldn’t be worried about me. When I got home, I sat them down in the family room and told them what was going on. They were mainly excited… you could tell Sadie was a little bit nervous, though. Adelaide had no idea what was going on… she just said, “Mommy you goin to hospital? You get bruver?” Josie was all smiles, though. I think she’s been the most excited the whole time. Then I got busy finishing packing my bag, sorting one more load of laundry, emailing Sadie’s and Josie’s teachers, calling Dawn from D6, cleaning the kitchen sink, and then snuggling on my bed with the girls until Jesse got there to pick me up. It’s always a scary feeling when you think there’s a chance that you might not ever see your kids again. I always think that before I go in for surgery… that there’s a chance, no matter how small, that I might die during surgery and they will have to face life without me. That’s scary for me to think about. I informed my mom (much to her dismay) that she was in charge of telling them how much I loved them if anything were to happen, and that there were letters to each of them in their baby books from me, and that she would have to sort out all the scrapbooks for them. She can’t STAND it when I say things like that, but hey, it has to be said.

Then Jesse came home, changed clothes, and got his stuff together, packed the car, and off we went. I think I’ll always remember the three of them hugging me and kissing me and running through the yard to climb up on the big rock, waving, waving, waving… until we rounded the corner and were out of sight. My three little beautiful stair-step girls. Sometimes you wish you could just freeze time and keep them JUST LIKE THAT. That was one of those ‘mental picture’ moments you hear about so much. You never really think about how much you love someone until there’s a chance you might not see them again, you know? I know I’m morbid, but that’s just how it is.

It was a cool, overcast day, and I was wearing my dark gray pants that had just finished in the dryer (well, ALMOST finished. Mama put them in, but they were still a little wet and we ended up putting them in the microwave… so I was pantless right up until we walked out the door of the house), a white t-shirt, and my blue and white Nikes we got at the outlet in Florida. I was holding on to my pillow and my boppy while Jesse drove and I recounted the story of the morning dr. visit to him. He didn’t seem to be nervous at all which is both calming to me and annoying to me at the same time!

Once we parked and got out of the car, I started having some serious cramping pains while we were walking through the parking lot. I remember thinking that it was probably a good thing that we went ahead and came to the hospital, since I didn’t think I would make it through the weekend without going into labor at that point anyway. When we waddled into the lobby, the team of receptionists all pointed us to the 3rd floor, all oohing and ahhing and saying good luck and how exciting that we were getting a baby today! We headed upstairs, and it was all very surreal… it didn’t seem possible that we were actually in the ACTUAL elevator, going up to the ACTUAL operating room. I guess it’s because it hit us all of a sudden. I really didn’t even have much time to get nervous. We arrived around 3:30pm, and they ushered us straight into Labor and Delivery Room 12 on the 3rd floor of the hospital/luxury hotel suite. Seriously. The brand new hospital has all wood floors, granite countertops, beautiful tilework, etc. It’s too fancy to be a hospital. The ladies came in and started on our paperwork, and I switched over into a fabulous hospital gown and sat down in the rocking chair to start signing off on the papers that said I wouldn’t sue them if I happened to die while in surgery. Jesse made himself busy unpacking and moving things around and being generally unable to keep still (maybe he WAS a little nervous after all). Then once all that was finished, a nice nurse named Anita came in to do my IV and started pumping me FULL of fluid. I remember it was icy cold and they put a pressure cuff on it to squeeze it harder to get me even FULLER of fluid faster! My nose and fingers started swelling up even more almost immediately! Anita assured me that she’d be with me the WHOLE time, which made me feel better. Then another nurse came in to put in my catheter, which was pretty much pure torture. Jesse said it was really hard to watch, but it was harder to stay there on the bed while she did it without jumping up, smacking her, and running away! When she was finished, I started to panic a bit and Jesse came over and held my hand and prayed for me and for the baby’s safe delivery. That made me feel better. Next, the two anesthetists came in (Dr. Whitaker and her assistant Cathleen) and talked to me and examined my x-rays. With my history of spinal headaches, they wanted to be extra careful to make sure they did everything possible to get the needle in the right spot the first time with little or no trauma, including using the smallest needle that they had. I felt pretty confident about it, which was a good thing, because right after that, it was suddenly 5pm and they escorted me across the hall to the sterile operating hallway. Jesse finished putting on his scrubs (he joked that he didn’t need a hat since he had no hair) and awaited them calling him into the O.R.
I went in and they helped me up onto the table. I had to sit leaning forward with my legs hanging off the side of the table. Anita helped push my head down onto my chest, and I had to curve my spine so they could find the right spot to put the needle in. It took a pretty long time (I remember looking at the clock and seeing it say 5:04) but they took their time and the needle went in without a hitch (with one of my surgeries – Sadie’s, I think, they had to move the needle all around to find the space and it made a terrible crunching noise). Then I started going numb and they laid me back on the table and strapped me down. Then they put up the drape and Dr. Guerrieri made his appearance (I was so glad to see him!) They checked to make sure I was all the way numb, and then Jesse came in with his video camera and
started to record! Next thing I knew, I was hearing a baby cry! And I was so happy and relieved to hear his little voice! So I started crying too, and the tears kept running into my ears and Jesse had to wipe them out. Jesse said that he started peeing as soon as they took him out, hehee. They showed him to me, and he was so teeny and cute! They said he was 7 lbs, 7 oz, and 20 inches long. I was a bit overwhelmed, and felt both joy and sadness and fear and thankfulness and a hundred other things all at the same time as they put Humpty Dumpty back together and stitched me all back up. I told the doctor to suck some of the fat out while he was down there! Everything after that is kind of a blur for me. I remember them putting the baby right by my head so I could see him close up, and then I remember them switching me to my bed from the operating table (always a scary move!). After that, I don't remember much except marveling over how cute and small he was and ITCHING. The Duramorph they put in my spinal block made me itch insanely for hours and hours. I think the pain would've been better than the itching! Grammie Gail and Grampie Don came to see us first... Grampie was touched - he kept saying, "This is a glorious night!" Then Grandma and Grandpa came, shortly follwed by Aunt Lydia and all three of the big sisters (proudly wearing their Big Sister medals on their shirts). They were SO EXCITED to meet the baby. I'll never forget Josie's face when she walked into the room, looking for him everywhere, and then she laid eyes on him and was totally smitten! Adelaide held him first, but she wasn't all that impressed. She said, "Where my baby bruver?" then when she held him for a few seconds and kind of pushed him away and said, "I all done." She also kept calling HIM the big sister, which was kind of funny. Sadie and Josie, however, pretty much fought over who would GET to hold him. They were so
happy to see him, and it was just precious to see them together. Jesse and I spent the next ENTIRE day trying to figure out his name...It was a toss up between my favorites, Jedidiah and Sawyer, and his favorite, Memphis. Needless to say, I finally got my own way for once, and Jedidiah was aptly named: "Friend of God." I hope he'll grow into his name! :)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Don't Need Anything

I've got gardens growing, got quiet days
clothes on my back, food on my plate
got friends to help me if I call for them
don't need anything I don't have

got eyes to see this beautiful land
feet to take me where I want to stand
if there's work to be done, I've got these two strong hands
I don't need anything I don't have
I don't need anything I don't have

some years the rains don't come
some years floods clear out the plains
but if those waters wash this town away
I would still have enough if they were with me

I've got a roof overhead, stars if I choose
but I've no need to fly, I've got no itch to move
got almost nothing, but I understand
that I don't need anything that I don't have
I don't need anything that I don't have

Sunday, November 14, 2010


I'm ready to get this baby out of me. I don't know that I'm ready for the wild (sleepless) ride of having a newborn, but I do know that my body is ready to be done with being pregnant! Right now, I can't feel the tips of any of my fingers, my hands are swollen so much that my fingers look like Vienna sausages, my right arm is numb, I have a shooting pain in my right hip, I have pregnant nose, my face is broken out, I'm congested, I snore like a freight train, my hair looks like steel wool, I can't wear socks, and all my bras are too small. I can't bend over, get up out of the floor (or a chair, for that matter), or go for over an hour without having to pee. When I wake up in the morning I have to use one hand to bend the wrist of my other hand because my hands are so stiff! I cry at the drop of a hat, and I wheeze when I breathe. I can't sleep, even though I'm SO TIRED. I can't get comfortable, since there's a giant bowling ball growing in the vicinity of my stomach. I'm recording this for posterity so that this kid can see what he put me through at the end! Yet I'll love him anyway! Also because Jesse announced during prayer requests at church this morning that I need a violin player to follow me around. :)

Sunday, November 07, 2010


My mom went to church with us today and on the way home (she rode with the kids and me in the van while Jesse stayed late for a meeting) she sang the girls a song she'd made up. It went like this: "Over the river and through the woods, to Bob Evans we go, to pick up the food that I didn't cook to eat for early Thanksgiving lunch, oh!" It was really a terrible song and it didn't fit with the tune very well either, obviously. Well, considering that everything that Grammie does is usually hilarious to the girls, you can imagine her dismay when she stopped singing and nobody said a WORD. Seriously. You could practically hear crickets chirping in the car. I was enjoying the long moments of silence when my mom said, "Well? WELL? Did anyone like my song?" More silence.

Then Josie deadpanned, "It was FAN-tastic."