Selfish is as Selfish Does

I'm having issues. Not sure what my problem is... if it's hormonal or what, but my patience has been practically non-existent these past few days. Maybe it's because I'm always a little sad after I go home and then come back up here. Anyway, my father-in-law called me a "grumpy broad" yesterday (lol) so I guess I need to shape up.

I didn't work today, but I had lots of work to do! Still preparing for this weekend... I have to get up early tomorrow and decorate a church for a wedding and deliver all of the flowers (thank goodness the bride wanted artificial rather than fresh, otherwise I don't know what I would've done). I finished putting together all of the materials for my workshop on Saturday (I have to be there at the crack of dawn to set up), so now all I have to do is buy enough food for 16 people for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and cook, cook, cook. If you don't hear from me for a while, I have collapsed in a puddle in the kitchen floor. Ding! I'm done!

Today, Sadie whispered to her Grandma Beth, "I'm a whippersnapper." heehee - that's what her Grandpa Roy calls her. It was pretty cute. She also said, "Put this Snoopy up there in his bed and give me the other one, please." That was the longest sentence ever (she has 2 backup Snoopys that live in her closet... she likes to rotate every now and then). Josie is now ticklish under her arms and likes playing the "Up close... Far away" zooming-back and forth- in front- of the mirror game with her daddy. Speaking of him, I am so jealous. Now I know how my mama felt all those years since I've always been a Daddy's girl. Sadie snuggled up next to him, put her arms around his neck and said, "Oh, Daddy, I love you... So much." Awww!!! What am I? Chopped liver?!

I'm far too blessed with these girls (and my husband) to complain, and yet, somehow, I do it anyway. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up being so lucky. I certainly don't deserve them. Or anything else, for that matter. Over the past few days, I've really been dwelling on what a bad person I basically am. Intrinsically evil, you could say. I mean, I'm not a serial killer or anything (maybe a cereal killer - I've been known to polish off a bowl or three of Fruity Pebbles now and then), but I am selfish, selfish, selfish. Trying to train Sadie not to say, "It's mine! MINE!" and "Me, me, me" all the time is definitely teaching me something. Human nature cannot be defeated, no matter how old we get and no matter how mature we may become. Selfishness is definitely inherent... I often find myself saying the same thing in my mind, "Me, me, me!" Thank God for grace and forgiveness.

I'm a Rambling Man... Um, I Mean, Woman

Hello, my devoted readers... I've got to tell you, I'm surprised that so many of you are hooked on my blog. I had no idea that so many of you care about my life! Thanks for all of the emails... I feel like my rambling actually has a receptive audience now (rather than a blank stare from my husband - he's Mr. Logical, and doesn't take well to rambling).

I know I've been posting my little heart out here, but I've been trying to play catch up after my sabbatical trip home. I didn't realize I missed doing this until I started writing yesterday and couldn't stop!

So I just watched my only (the only one I'm admitting, anyway) vice - American Idol. I can't believe I'm still watching it, but now I am totally pulling for Chris Daughtry. I told you a few weeks ago that he's my choice, and man! I am SO sticking with him. Did anyone SEE him tonight? Holy moly. I know, I know, no one cares about this dumb TV show but me. I can't help it.

High for the day: I have now lost 18 pounds! Don't worry... there is still no danger of me floating away in one of these nor'easter winds.

Low for the day: Exhaustion taking over. Overextended... late nights, doing a wedding this weekend (this is one of the bouquets I made) AND coordinating a workshop/seminar AND having company for the weekend. Isn't it bizarre that I still waste 2 hours waiting for Chris Daughtry to sing? Did I mention that he's from NC? ... someone shut me up, please.

Good joke passed on from my sister-in-law Sarah:
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what? You're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly."

Thank you, and good night! :)

One is silver and the other gold...

Do you know how it feels when you see an old friend that you haven't seen for a really long time? Kind of like you're coming home, right? That's how it always feels to me. Completing the circle, filling a space that's been empty when you didn't even know it, making old wrongs right, creating new memories on top of the old ones... I like that feeling. I like my old friends. Don't get me wrong - I like my new friends, too, but isn't there a beauty... a fulfillment... an almost freeing grace that comes from being with the ones who know you - really know you? And they love you anyway? I am so blessed to have a few friends like that. If you haven't seen your old friends lately, call them. Hang out. Do something crazy. Talk into the wee hours. I'm telling you - do it! It will make you feel more alive.

No Place Like Home on the Range

Well, we went home over the weekend... home to North Carolina. Let me tell you, there's just something about being in the shelter of those familiar green mountains that makes me feel, well, sheltered. Safe. Protected. At home. My dimishing accent returns with a vengeance.

As soon as I hit the county line, something changes inside of me. Stress levels seem to dissipate, and I feel somehow lighter, more free - I feel sixteen again. The pickup trucks with gun racks on the two lane roads, the armchairs in front yards, the crappy old cars up on blocks, the coon dogs, the livermush and split-fried hotdogs "all the way," the way my Daddy's always fixin' something in the garage, my Grandma's always got a pot of pintos on the stove, and my Mama's always telling me to be careful and lock my doors... it's the essence of home.

The girls had a great time being spoiled by Grammie, Great-Grandma, Papaw, and Mamaw. Not to mention numerous aunts, uncles, and Cindi. :) Sadie got to feed a baby calf at my Daddy's house. She is still SO excited about it. She's telling everyone, "Help Papaw, feed cow, baby, feed with bot-tell!"

Coming back is always the worst part of going. Sadie sits in the back seat, saying, "See Grammie now. See Papaw now. 3 weeks. 3 weeks." (We tell her how long it will be until she sees them again). She now says, "Bye" like "Buy," not like "By" (in other words, the way you're supposed to say it!).

You can take a girl out of the South, but you sure can't take the South out of the girl, ya'll. :)

Queen of Participles

"I standin'."
"I sittin'."
"I climbin'."
"I sweepin'."
"I jumpin'."
"I helpin'."
"I singin'."

- as quoted by Sadie, 23 months old. Also a quote: "I'm a genius." (I taught her that one :)

I Smell A Rat

Some days, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

First thing this morning, I tripped on the way to the car and almost flattened my nose against the side of the van. At work, I whacked my elbow on a filing cabinet which brought tears to my eyes. I then proceeded to be hit on by a 50ish lawyer/podiatrist in the Outdoor Lighting aisle who asked me if I'd like to come and (wink, wink) check out his new jacuzzi. Ick.

Once I got home, it was poop, poop, and more poop, followed by a phone call that I'd been waiting on for two days. Of course, when it finally came, the battery in my phone died about 3 seconds after I said hello.

Just when I thought the cosmic conspiracy couldn't get any worse, I decided to do the nice wifely thing and do some laundry for Jesse... yucky, stinky stuff that had been left out in the garage for a week or two, unbeknownst to yours truly. I go down to the laundry room, dump it in the washing machine, and turn it on. I go back down about an hour later to transfer it to the dryer. Well, after I got everything out, I happened to see some fuzz in the bottom of the washer... you know, a lintball or something that had fallen off during the cycle. I reached in to get it out and

PICKED UP A LIMP, SOGGY, DEAD MOUSE IN MY BARE HAND!!!

Arrgh!!! I still shudder to think about it. I screamed, of course, tossed the mouse in the air (luckily I was right next to the trash can, in which the mouse miraculously landed). I can still feel its disgusting little squishy, bony body in my unsuspecting hand! Bile rises in my throat. Blahahahhh. I can't talk about it anymore.

Funny Joke

This guy at work told me this joke today... he said it was really old, but I'd never heard it and I just rolled. There is always some truth in humor.... :) "Marriage is like a three ring circus. First comes the engagement ring. Then comes the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering."

This and That

Well, we are hitting the road to the South on Wednesday night - yippee! The girls and I and our friend Melissa are going home for a visit. Melissa is from Kentucky, but she just wanted to go anywhere south of here! Much like me, I might add. Sadie is so excited... I made the mistake of telling her that we're going about a week ago. I should've waited until the night before we left. Now she asks me all the time, "See Papaw? See Grammy? See Mamaw? See Great Gramma? Rudy? Cameron? Ride bi-cycle?" (Daddy & Sylvia got her a hot wheels for Christmas) It's pretty cute. I am so glad that she remembers everyone; otherwise, I'd probably be boohooing all of the time instead of a great deal of the time :) Josie has a cold, so she isn't having a very good time this week. She's sneezing little sneezes, coughing little coughs, whining little whines, and crying BIG cries. When she isn't happy, she wants everyone to know it. Sadie makes it a point to tell me, "Mommy, Mommy... Josie crying. Josie crying!!!" While I do appreciate her big-sisterly concern, I must admit that I think it's much funnier when she hears Josie and yells, "I comin', Josie-bean! I comin'! Quiet! Okay?" On a scary note, my sister-in-law Sarah informed me about this website that lets you see exactly where registered sex offenders are living in your area (see my "Die, Perverts, Die" Post if you're wondering where this is coming from). In a ten mile radius from here, there are 96. NINETY-SIX. I thought, "Well, maybe this is because we're on the outskirts of Cleveland. Not so... in a ten mile radius of my little ole' town in the South, there are 36. THIRTY-SIX!!! Please visit this site... make yourself and your kids aware of dangers that may be lurking in your own backyard. I don't mean to scare you, but hey! I'm scared, and why should I be the only one?! :) www.familywatchdog.us

And the winner is...

So I watched the show that I taped on Wednesday, and Chris Daughtry from McCleansville, NC is the big winner of my semi-psychic early pick for the winner of American Idol. Whew. Yikes.

Cheater

As I was putting Sadie in the tub (Josie went first and was already squirming around on her towel on the floor, blowing raspberries and saying "ay-yay-yah-yah-yah"), I told her that tomorrow, we'd get to see Deanna. She said, "See Deanna?!" I said, "Yes, but tomorrow. Not today. Tomorrow, after we go to sleep and then wake up." She thought about this for a minute, then leaned her head over against the wall, closed her eyes, and snored a couple of fake snores. Then she opened her eyes and said, "See DEANNA!!!"

In other news, I have switched to 3 days a week at work. I'm not sure how I feel about that... I've worked Monday through Friday for so long now that it really felt like I was cheating all day today.

We're planning to go home next weekend, so yippee! My friend Melissa (or "Lissa" as Sadie calls her) is coming with us. We have big plans to go to Boone and eat Japanese food - the Japanese places around here just aren't on par with Makoto's.

Still watching American Idol, I'm ashamed to admit. Every year, I promise myself that I'm not going to watch it, and then every year, I get sucked in. Not sure who I'm pulling for yet; I'll keep you posted, since I'm sure everyone really cares. :)

I think we're going back to Eat-N-Park tonight, so I'm hoping to run into Miss Betty! If I ever see her again, I'm definitely inviting her over for Sunday dinner. Or at least I'm getting her address. Or something!

That's it... I'm off for a date with Billy Blanks and his Ab Bootcamp video. Although the man is insane and I am usually crying by the end, I did, in fact, eat an entire chocolate cake doughnut yesterday, and I'm feeling it. Can one doughnut make your jeans tight again after a 15 pound losing streak?

My Sentiments, Exactly

Today, I gave Josie a big gold jingle bell on a string to play with. She thought it was so much fun! She waved it around all over the place with a crazed look in her eye. When Sadie saw this, I guess it sparked a memory from Christmas, because she started singing "Jingle Bells." This is her rendition:

"Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
Jingle, Go Away!"

I laughed.

In other toddler news, she took a Kleenex out of the box, held it to her nose and said,
"Blesh-OOO," a strange combination of achoo and bless you. I figure that's a good idea, and I may pick it up myself. More streamlined.

Die, perverts, die!

Okay, I know this isn't like my usual light-hearted, fun-to-read conversational pieces. However, on Friday night I watched Dateline: To Catch a Predator III. It was unbelievable. I have been haunted ever since. Let me just say that I have always thought that there should be a special, painful lingering death reserved for sex offenders of children. This report just reinforced that conviction. It was totally bone-chilling to see the enormous number of people out there with this sick, sick, sick addiction. As a parent, just the thought makes me want to throw up. Dateline showed a set-up where they lured these sickos to a house where they thought they would be meeting up with a 12 year old that they "met" on the internet. These guys fully expected to GET with this 12 year old. Instead, they were met by Dateline cameras and the Sheriff's Department. In ONE night, 50 men were arrested for attempting to molest a child. And this was in one town in one county in one state in one country. Can you imagine how widespread this epidemic must be? Can you imagine this happening to YOUR child? Something must be done. Contact your congressmen. Write to your senators. And for their sake, PLEASE know what your child is doing at all times. Sitting at home playing on the computer may be the most dangerous place of all for them to be. We must protect those that cannot protect themselves.

You Eat It.

Tonight at dinner, we had spinach. Sadie usually likes spinach, but tonight when I tried to give her a spoonful, she said, "I don't like it." Just like that. A total and complete sentence, out of the blue, and she's not even two. I love it. Anyway, after that, I said, "Yes, you do. You love spinach," and I tried again to get her to eat it. I even tried the old airplane trick, which I never resort to. Finally, she looks straight at me and says, "YOU eat it." Man, that kid cracks me up. She was right, I wasn't eating mine, either.

Yesterday, it was nice out, so we went for a walk with the double stroller. Jesse and I got it at a great deal from my friend Chastity (she has twins, but couldn't use the front/back stroller because one of her boys was always getting kicked in the back of the head!). It's a great stroller, but it's so stinkin' hard to push. I feel like I'm steering a semi- half the time. I guess part of the problem could be that I have gargantuan children. Josie weighs 20 pounds already. We just put her in the "Johnny-Jump-Up" swing that hangs from the doorway, but it makes me very nervous because I always visualize her heft yanking the doorcasing right off.

Anyway, back to the walk. I guess I had crammed the stroller in the back of the van too hard or slammed the door on it or something, because the back seat (where Josie always sits) wouldn't go back. Well, she can't sit up straight yet, so I had to put Sadie back there and put Josie in the front, which would recline. This did not go over well with Miss Sadie. She had this sour look on her face the whole time we were walking, like she had been banished to Siberia or something ("Aren't I a little old for this, Mommy?"). Josie, on the other hand, thought the front was GREAT. She cooed and laughed and kicked her feet constantly. I guess I'm going to have to start making them take turns in the "good" seat.

Positive for the day: I have lost 15, count 'em, FIFTEEN pounds!!! Yahoo!
Negative for the day: Sadie somehow yanked a can of buttercream frosting out of the pantry which bopped her on the head. She then went around crying and yelling, "Boo boo! Boo boo! Hurts! Ow-wee! Where is Snoopy? I need Snoopy!" for about fifteen minutes.

P.S. Melanie, it's 9:09.