"I love you, my mommy. I love you so much." These are the words from my 2 year old's mouth as we were eating our supper tonight. Later, after both girls were in bed, I hear Sadie yelling down the hall, "MOM-MEE! I forgot to tell you something VERY IMPORTANT!" I went across the house to her room and she said, "You're the best mommy, Mommy. In the whole wide world."
If they think I'm so great, why do I feel so inferior and unworthy of being their mom most of the time? Have you heard that country song that says, "I've been watching you, hey ain't that cool... I wanna be like you, your little buckaroo, and eat all my food, and grow as tall as you are...." It's all about this little boy who says a bad word and when his dad asks him where he learned to talk like that, the little boy tells him that he learned it by listening to his dad! So the dad feels like crap and goes out to the barn and prays to God to help him help his stupid self, and later he hears his son talking to God just like a friend... then the little boy tells him that he learned to pray like that from listening to his dad, too. Sheesh. It's amazing that a country song on the radio can convict my heart and make me want to try to be a better mom. I guess God knew exactly what station I was listening to.
I definitely don't want my girls to grow up to be like me. Well, maybe in SOME ways, but I really am somewhat self-centered, and pessimistic, and opinionated, and ungrateful. I guess it's good that I admit that kind of thing now... I used to think I was pretty darn near perfect. HA! Now I see that between marriage, kids, and turning 30, you kind of grow up and see things from a different perspective. My prayer, too, is that God will help ME help MY stupid self.
