Thankful

Well, the big day is practically upon us. Seems like it took forever to get here, and now that it IS here, I wonder if I'm ready. I wonder if you can ever really BE ready, though... the idea that when I leave here I will have 2 kids and when I return I will have 3 is just crazy. I remember the day that Jesse drove me to the hospital in NC to have Sadie, and the way I felt as we drove down the road... thinking, "Hey... I will never be the same after this. My life will have completely changed the next time I see that billboard, or that stoplight, or that farm." Boy, was I right. Same thing with Josie... nothing has been the same since. Now that there are going to be 3 of them, I know that life is going to do another drastic change for us. It makes me sad, in a way, because as hectic and crazy as life has been the past couple of years, I have had a really great time with my two girls. They are such a joy and a blessing to me, even though it can be tough sometimes. I wonder now if I've lived in the moment enough... if I've enjoyed every second quite as much as I could have - and I know that I haven't. The only consolation is that now, it will be me and my THREE girls. Although life will be changing for us drastically, what possible bad can come of having someone else to love? I remember feeling that way before Josie was born, too... like I was shorting Sadie out of time with me. But now, oh my gosh, I could never have imagined how much they would adore each other and take care of each other and play together and just be best friends. I never would have taken that away from either one of them. This new baby, hopefully, will just add to that family dimension... and Sadie and Josie constantly surprise me with their capacity to care and love - I pray that God will keep that sweet spirit about them as they grow and mature and learn to love their NEW baby. Same goes for me. I'm excited about meeting her... having a new little person with her own personality is truly the greatest miracle that there could be. It's so mind-boggling to think that from 2 people, God can create another totally different person, unique, individual, and also in His image. I am awed and amazed and humbled that He's given me this gift. Not just once, not twice, but now THREE times. It's so true that we can do nothing to deserve His gifts... I mean, what possible things could I have ever done to begin to make up for the joy and blessings that being a mother brings? Nothing. All I can do is be thankful.