I can't believe that I am now the mother of a 5 year old. It always seemed to me that FIVE seemed like such a big number... like it was a milestone that was so far away for us. But now, as of around 10:00 this morning, Sadie is five years old. Sigh. I have mixed feelings, as usual. She acts so grown up, sometimes, that I forget she's so young. Being such a tall little bean-pole doesn't help matters, either. Tonight before bed she said, "Oh well. I don't think I've grown ANY since I was four. I am exactly as tall right now when I'm five as I was yesterday when I was four!"
Today she got to go up to the birthday box at church, and I just watched her, smiling and proud that she's my daughter (she was so cute and ladylike in her special black & white birthday dress with the red rose pinned on the skirt), but also a little teary-eyed... knowing how fast the past five years have flown by and knowing how fast the next five will. Sometimes I hug her so tight - not wanting to let go, but knowing that one day I will have to. I have to remind myself that she's on loan to me from God - that she's really His and not mine at all, but He certainly knew what He was doing when He created this whole mother-bonding thing. It's like the saying "Being a mother means to forever have your heart walking around outside your body." When I have time to actually sit and ponder the meaning of life, sometimes I think about how I am HIS child, just like Sadie is MY child. And if God loves me even more than I love her... how much must that be! It isn't even fathomable to my fragile, limited mind. We are so undeserving... especially me. Undeserving of His love, undeserving of these precious babies and these precious years. Undeserving, but incredibly grateful.
