Something Stinks

The other day I had to take the trash out because of Adelaide's poopy diaper. I put a new liner in the kitchen trash, then lit a candle because let's face it: poop stinks. Then I tossed the match in the trash and turned to leave the room. Suddenly I hear a WHOOSH! I turn around, and a FIREBALL IS COMING FROM THE TRASH CAN. I know, I know... run the match under water before you throw it away - I don't know what came over me. Maybe I just have too much on my mind or MAYBE the cheap trash bag wasn't fire retardant! Anyway, the smoke detector's beeping, Adelaide is crying, and Sadie is running down the hall yelling, "Do we need to use The Plan!?" and Josie screams, "Mommy is burning the house down!" Jesse was no help at all since he was in the shower and did not hear me yelling for help. So I kick the flaming trash can over to the kitchen sink (luckily Jesse installed a pull-out faucet for me not long ago) and stupid me turns the water ON before I pull the handle out, so I spray down a couple of the walls and the floor before I actually put the fire out. Dripping, shaking, and out of breath, I threw the smoldering trash can outside and came back in to sop up all the water. Of course, after all the commotion, Jesse comes in the kitchen, wrinkles his nose and says, "Something stinks."