Thursday, May 23, 2013

I'm Not That Simple

Men are simple creatures, aren’t they?

I don’t know about you, but I used to operate under the assumption that my husband was somehow always in deep thought. He would sit there, looking all introspective, and I’d ask him, “What are you thinking?” He would usually glance up and say, “Huh? What? Nuthin.’”

And honestly, I used to think he was keeping something from me. Something deep and, well, profound. Meaningful. At least thoughtful. But after almost twelve years of marriage, I’ve come to the conclusion that usually he really IS thinking about “nuthin.’”

Once I figured this out, I decided to explain to him that women, too, are simple. After this long, he should really be an expert about me, for Pete’s sake. I wanted him to understand that I am easy to please. I am a “what you see is what you get” kind of girl.

Then I realized that I was wrong.

For example, if he comes home and finds me face down on the bed crying, his simple mind assumes that something must’ve happened to cause the crying. He asks:

“What’s wrong?”
To which I respond, “Noth-th-th-ing!”
“So why are you crying?”
“I don’t – I don’t – I don’t KNOW!”
“Then stop it!”
“I want to, but I – I – cannnnn’t!”

He walks out the room with a big sigh, shaking his head and muttering something unintelligible.
He also mutters at me for other reasons:

“I have to take Sadie to the dentist and Josie to sushi night and Adelaide to the library and I have to get Jed’s hair cut and I have to get to the grocery store before the deli closes and I need to take a shower and the laundry isn’t done and I still don’t have my article written!”
 “So why don’t you just reschedule something?” he asks calmly.

“I can’t! I can’t just reschedule!”

Arrrgh. Why can’t he understand that I don’t want his help to solve my problem – I just want him to commiserate with me. To feel my pain.

Or, for instance:

“They don’t like me! I am so upset! I just don’t understand it….”
“So? Who cares if they don’t like you? Don’t like them back!”
“That’s not the point!” You see, I just want him to reassure me. To tell me that anyone who doesn’t think I’m fantastic is just completely crazy.

He’s very plain and simple. His logic is completely crazy in all its simplicity, if you ask me.

Sometimes I do wish that I were a little less complicated. But the mind of a woman just isn’t meant to be figured out. It’s not going to happen.

Simple as that.

--from my 5/23/13 post for