Raising girls is a mystery sometimes. That’s pretty bad news for me, since I am one (or at least I used to be several years ago… now I'm getting kinda old.)
There are so many things I need to teach my three girls about life and about being women! It’s intimidating, since sometimes I feel like I haven't really grown up myself.
They are growing up fast. Though I look for helpful hints everywhere I go, I'm still happy to accept new advice into my parenting arsenal. Here is the second installment of tips that I've collected (see numbers 1-4 from last week here), just in case you need some help with your girls.
5. Be polite. In a world where rudeness abounds, it’s a refreshing change to come across someone who holds the door for you or helps you pick up all the stuff you just dumped out of your purse.
Teach your daughter to do those things. Teach her that she’s not the center of the universe and that other people are out there and that they deserve respect. Teach her that good manners are not just boring old rules – they become part of who you are.
You’re her parent. You are not her friend (at least, not yet.) She has friends. She only has one mom (and dad.) Make the world a better place by teaching her to be polite, whether she likes it or not. You can be her friend when she’s grown. For now, be her parent.
6. Teach her independence. Show her that women can do anything.
By following your beliefs and passions, show her that women can be strong. Define yourself and don't be ashamed of it. Be an individual – don't just define yourself as her mom or as her dad’s wife. Be yourself, too, so that she'll see it’s okay to be herself.
Don't teach her to cater to what everyone else might expect her to be. If she's going to lead the orchestra, she has to turn her back on the crowd. Help your daughter figure out who she is, and then be supportive.
7. Share secrets. Talk with your daughter. Most girls love to talk, so talk. Talk about anything and everything. Books, clothes, school, nature, boys, friends, church, dreams, fears – anything.
Communicate. Listen. Your relationship is the most important thing that you can nurture during her years at home with you. Other things may fall by the wayside. Let them. But don't let your relationship be one of those things.
8. Let her be. Your daughter may want to stay home and read (like one of mine) or she may want to go jump out of helicopters (like another one of mine.) Whether she wants to travel or write or play sports or be a ballerina, let her.
Let her be wild sometimes. Let her be sad sometimes. Let her be who she is and love her through all of it. I have a tendency to try to fix things when something is wrong with one of my girls, but I guess I should let go sometimes and let them figure out things for themselves.
If I'm going to train them to be strong, independent adults, then I need to just let them be. Even if that means letting them make their own mistakes sometimes.
9. Let her pick flowers. Girls love to pick flowers. Sometimes to a fault. (I never have flowers growing in my yard for more than a couple of days. Someone always finds them and makes a bouquet to bring inside.)
Just give up. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right? Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. Put them in your hair! Make daisy chains with her and fill your house with flowers… what are you saving them for, anyway?
Well, that's all the advice I’ve got for now. Scary, huh? I'm only 8 years in, though. I'll come up with some new material soon.
In the meantime, if you have any good advice for me or other moms out there, please share it. We need all the help we can get.
-from my 7/15/12 article for www.mentorpatch.com
